I’m Grateful

When I was in middle school, one of the things I wanted the most was a social life. Of all the things my parents taught me throughout my lifetime, making friends was not one of the things on that list. So I went through a lot of trial and effort figuring out how to get people to like me. Maybe if I bought them food, or did their homework, or just made them laugh they would think I’m good enough to be my friend. It was so much effort for such a superficial connection to people. 

I tend to think of relationships as a transactional kind of deal. For someone to want to be around me, I have to be able to provide them with something of equal or greater value to what they give me. And this was always a source of so much anxiety and insecurity because I could never figure out what I could offer to make it feel like an equal trade. 

And to this day, I still don’t think I offer anything that special to people in my life. Y’all can argue all you like with me, but I think you underestimate just how much you mean and how precious you are to me. The love and support that I receive from those in my life are so incomprehensible to me that it never fails to just surprise me when people choose to love on me. The fact that I can have people in my life who are here to laugh with, cry with, and just support me is something even better than middle school me could ever imagine of. The fact that I can be having such a horrible time or be feeling so miserable and yet people will still choose to stick around me just boggles my mind. Call it my low self-esteem sure, but when you go years wanting even some semblance of friendship, what I have now just blows all expectations out of the water. 

I really am such a lucky guy. I am so privileged to have the people that I do in my life. There’s not much more to say. The people that I have in my life are some of the most beautiful, unique, kind, thoughtful, caring, intelligent people that I have ever met and it brings me so much joy to be able to call them my friends. 

To any friend reading this post, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I have a hard time saying I love you sometimes BUT I REALLY DO LOVE YOU SO MUCH. YOU MEAN MORE THAN YOU COULD EVEN IMAGINE TO ME AND I JUST REALLY WANTED YOU TO KNOW IT. I THINK YOU ARE SO SPECIAL IN WAYS YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN SEE BUT I DO AND YOU DESERVE TO KNOW IT.

I wish I could be more eloquent with my words in this post, but there are not enough words in my current diction that can even half express my gratitude and love for all of you. 

So yeah, thanks!